It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
