Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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