party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
