I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
40s are totally the cure
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize