I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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