According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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