they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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