I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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