sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
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you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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