he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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