At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
