This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
