dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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