Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
