Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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