If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
