why didn't you poke me back
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
