Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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