do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
