if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you had me at cake vodka
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome