Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world