im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.