I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
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You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?