its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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