That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You have to summon your inner elephant
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
