she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
