garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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