Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
