thus making me awesome and them whores
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
