areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize