Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
