They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
