So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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