What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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