That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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