first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
