Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
