a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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