Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize