youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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