he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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