so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
