If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
