we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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