i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
