Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Randomize
