dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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