I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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