I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
