Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
