This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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