A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Congratulations! We have a period
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