Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
