Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
