so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
