Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
