my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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