Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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