just come out here and I will go home with you...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
